THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
