Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
