for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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