If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
