I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
