She is in my trunk
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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