Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
His nipple licking is glorious
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