What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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