I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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