i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
