In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
