I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
