so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize