now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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