he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
