fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
