Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
