Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
