There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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