a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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