i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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