i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
