Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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