I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
