i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
