I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
