for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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