the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
