i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
