I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
