Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
