i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
