im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
