Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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