just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
