You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
