i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
