I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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