I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
