I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm really into asian looking animals
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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