True but thats because hes a fetus.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
