She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
