I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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