so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dicks are not precious.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
