Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Houston, we have a blender
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
