I cockslap morals
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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