Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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