Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
