OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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