Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
