$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
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I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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