I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
