if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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