6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
