i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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