It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
