I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
