gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
did i just pee glitter
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