If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
