Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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