I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
