Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
