Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
