oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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