We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
