Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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