ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
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He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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