Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize