I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
