Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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