So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
