i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize