I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All I want is dick and wine.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
