i just wanna soil my oats bro
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
